Friday, 2 December 2011

Pitched into the abyss...

That’s how I felt last Friday after going through the epic fail that was supposed to be my project pitch.
For once, I was super cool and calm before going in, because I totally knew my stuff and I had lots of research to discuss. It went downhill from the moment I entered the room and I don’t know why, but I’m now seriously reconsidering what I want to do. But I don’t want to continue dwelling on it, now that I have shared my misery with everyone else. Whining is wonderfully cathartic for the self in the short-term, but it can lose you some friends in the long-term if you don’t keep it in check. I think I should have prefaced the start of each conversation with “I apologise in advance for the whining and whinging that may follow”, but then that kind of warning could have had people running away. Not good for the self-esteem!
Life has mostly been about deciding if I want to stay on this project train, to destination “classification unknown” or to make the leap onto the platform of indecision and wait for the train towards somewhere more appealing and desired classification friendly. The problem with this procrastination is that the platform of indecision is finite in length. With my face firmly pressed to the glass, nose bent at an undignified and painful angle, I can see the big red “point of no return” sign, getting closer much faster than I would like. Once that sign zips past me, my course is set and there are going to be no other opportunities to get off. Except a derailing. And that would be very, very bad. As much as I enjoy studying at University of Greenwich, I don’t relish the thought of having to retake my project next year. If I’m here, I want to be studying a Masters programme, not fixing a failure. And I don’t deal well with failure.

Oh dear, how doomy-and-gloomy do I sound?! Honest, inside I’m all rainbows, bunnies and lollipops (I just don’t like to show it too often). Ok, maybe not so much bunnies, they play havoc with my allergies.
On a brighter note, I am off to see Priscilla Queen of the Desert (I so nearly wrote dessert) soon, before it ends. I loved the film, all that sparkle and song, so I’m hoping the stage show is just as good. I know I will be silently singing along with all the songs.
Anyhow, I shall sign off for now. Thank you for reading, until next time...

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